advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
