Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
