Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
