i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
