'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
