eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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