honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
