so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
