Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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