remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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