I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
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