I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
