Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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