hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
