is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
