Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
