hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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