I could have mohawked her pubes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
