I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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