we're blogging at a bar
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
