Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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