just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
