Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
