My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
