So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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