ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
