She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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