shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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