I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
