glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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