you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
