Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
