I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Found the puke drawer
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
