Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
