so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
