the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
