stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
