all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
