I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Never joke about your clitoris.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
