Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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