its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
