dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
