I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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