a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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