We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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