You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
