Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
