Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
