just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
