I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
