My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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